WHY And A Dose Of Reality...

WHY
Why are my 2 oldest suffering so horribly with headaches and stomach pains and other issues ?
Why does it seem no one and nothing can help them ?
Why did my youngest suffer with a 'mystery' cough for 9ish years of his life ?
Why are there times that we struggle so financially ?
Why do we have 'one of those days' that sometimes seem to drag on for weeks ?
Why was there a detour on the way to a time sensitive appointment or destination ? -Or why did Randys plane get delayed SO many times ?
Why cant things just go how I want them to or how it played out in my head ?
This list could go on and on (trust me lol). Its easy to get frustrated, mad, irritated, loose hope even. Its a CHOICE however to take a step back and make your self get some perspective and adjust your attitude.
It would be easy for me to feel sorry for them, or Randy and I, or to even allow them to feel sorry for them selves. But that is not an option, its not at all acceptable.
Perhaps Court and Kyle are going through this because it is a test or trial of sorts, both for them AND Randy and I.
Perhaps its to grow their faith, cause them to dig deep and turn to God even more.
Maybe its to build their patience or show them a miracle just as they think they are at the end of their rope.
Maybe it is what allows them to marvel in the seemingly little things, and not take anything for granted.I know our kids look to us, for comfort, advise, answers, guidance...
How do they see us react when things don't go our way ?
Do I throw a fit, get angry, feel sorry for myself ? I sure try not to but I have my moments.I hope they see me making the best of things, looking for that silver lining, staying positive.
If not for my self then for them.
Maybe Camden would not be the compassionate, wise, laid back kid that he is.
The friend that does not judge, but accepts and does the best he can to help and offer support and encourage others, because he went through what he did.
He turned out the opposite of how 'friends' treated him during his most darkest of times. When we and Doctors had no answers he knew God did and he held onto that like a blanket.
Maybe we struggle financially so that we realize how RICH we are with the things that matter.
We have 3 amazing kids, we are going on 23 years of marriage, our home is filled with love, fun, acceptance, and oh the laughter. We forgive when necessary, and we are a team looking out for each other. It didn't just 'happen' we worked hard to build this bond and to make our home a fortress, both to our children and their friends.
Maybe we have 'one of those days' or months or years as it were (lol) because our kids are watching us, learning from us based on how we react -or don't react- to situations that arise.
 Like the garage getting caught in fire, or running out of gas on the expressway, or having things break down or fall apart, or suffering loss...
Maybe there was a detour because had we gone the traditional way there may have been a accident or some unforeseen problem.
Maybe things don't go the way WE think makes the most sense so that our kids can learn from us how to be adaptable, flexible, and maintain a level head in moments when all you want to do is rant and scream and pull your hair.
Because lets face it, things, situations, what happens to us is NOT in our control but how we respond, what we say, and how we act certainly is.
No this is not a post to say "Look at us we are perfect." Its far from that because we.are.not.perfect. But we do our best, and I see my kids striving for greatness, with peace in their hearts, and smiles on their faces, as they face some pretty big giants, and you know what ? They are pretty OK.
Sure they hurt, they suffer, they struggle, they don't understand why things cant be easier for them, but who doesn't go through this ?  
Its about growing up, learning to push through things, its about having a goal and not letting anything stop you from attaining it. Even if that goal is just to get out of the house, or to pass a class with a C-, or to let the love and peace that is in their hearts shine through.
I'll be honest. There are some days that being available to my kids 24/7 just isn't what I 'feel' like doing. But you know what ? Its not about me.
Its about making memories, and making the best out of bad situations, and showing them that they matter more than a bad moment or a bad day or bad mood, or even a headache that I may have. Coloring, going for a drive, watching a movie, hanging out with them in their rooms, holding them while they cry, taking them out for one on one time, giving comfort, rubbing their head a 3:00 in the morning or being with them when they throw up from pain, listening to them pour their hearts out and them knowing that I'm (and Randy) in this with them.
Even being brutally honest, and telling them "I'm sorry, I don't have any answers, and I don't understand either, but I love you" ~ or saying "I'm sorry" and meaning it when I do snap or say something out of line ~ THATS what its all about.
I know my kids will always need me, not in the same capacity as they do now, of course. I am also acutely aware that my time with them here at home is winding down and I promised my self that I would cherish them and make as many 'Kodak Moments' with them as they will allow !
I guess this is just me giving my self a dose of reality, and an attitude adjustment, and a reminder to myself as well as my kids (and to some people that I often feel 'judged' by) that though I'm far from perfect I do the best I can, with the best of intentions, and a way to thank my Princess, and my Son-Shine, and my Prince for being who they are and enriching my life in ways I never knew were possible...