A Little Story About Camden Chadwick James...

Once upon a time I was 29 years of age and had 2 children, an almost 3 year old and a 7 month old. Imagine my surpriZe when I started feeling those all too familiar 'symptoms' -run down, -nausea, -emotional, -subtle changes... Though we wanted more children we had not "planned" on a 3rd at this time. Off I went to get a pregnancy test, though I already *knew* in my heart (by the 4th week) the answer. After our initial shock both Randy & I embraced this our 4th, and what we knew would be our last, pregnancy with open hearts. I was excited as I prepared Courtney to be a 'big sister' again, and tried to help Kyle, who was still a baby him self, understand he was about to become a 'big brother.' Just about 2 weeks short of my due date we found out I had to be induced for the sake of my own health. After having had 2 relatively quick (5.5 hrs and 6 hrs) and for the most part, uncomplicated NON-Hospital births, both of us were quite terrified of the implications & uncertainty's of this pending labor. Turns out we were right to have apprehension. BUT... 26 hours later I was holding my baby boy in my arms, all struggle, pain, & procedures gone wrong, were forgotten as I gazed into my child's eyes that seemed too blue to be real. (His eyes were so beautiful & lashes so long that I begged my mid-wife to hold off on the eye drops so we could enjoy the eye contact.) We had the names "Camden" and "Chadwick" picked out. We loved both names but when we saw him we just knew he was a "Camden" ~ we also liked the name "James." I pulled the "I was in labor 26 hours and if I want him to have 5 middle names then so be it" trump card and so our Camden Chadwick James Ratliff was named. Right from the start there was (as others would say) "just something about him." Even as a baby I used to call him "My lil old man" ~ he's just always been such an old soul, its difficult to describe. He took in EVERYTHING around him, sounds, sights, people... with such an intensity. As he got older he became intense. To say he was/is independent is putting it mildly. Not in a bad, moody, or brooding way. He has ALWAYS had a sweet, tender, thoughtful, kind soul. Being ill all but a few years of his life seems to have given him an appreciation of life. He has this sense of wonder, an appreciation of ALL things, a deep patriotic under tone, and a respect for people, especially his elders. While Randy and I certainly 'molded' him and set the best examples we could (as we do for all our children and 'extras') we do not take credit for who he is. He is 100% his own person, he sticks to his guns, he follows his heart, he blazes his own trail, and does what he feels in his gut is right, even if at times he is standing alone. He has not had it easy, this child of mine. School was not kind to him. His peers (with a few exceptions) do not understand him and therefore can not relate to him. His heart was NEVER to make others feel bad because he is light years ahead of kids his own age. He did not ask to be 'different' but he does his best to embrace that fact, and tries to fit in. In spite of (or maybe because of) his challenges, he is an over-comer and when hes doing something hes passionate about there is NO stopping him. Where I think I would feel bitter, he has compassion. Most would be jaded, yet he remains 'innocent' and hopeful. That being said, I am not blind to his faults. I am acutely aware that he is 'different' as is he, trust me on this. He sees the world in is own way. I do not pretend to understand why he is how he is. I only love, support, and encourage him the best I can. Yes he struggles, as any child does. No he's not perfect. Yes he makes mistakes. Yes he has his moments. But his heart is pure, his path is set, he follows God fiercely. Once hes taken some time to reflect he apologizes if necessary, he does his best to move on even when deep hurts have been (intentionally or not) inflected upon him. He is many things my Camden; a Writer, a Strategist, an Intellectual, an Out Side the Box Thinker, a Motivator, a person that makes Change happen, a Persevere-er and he is my personal Hero. He is always digging deeper, in his personal life, spiritually, and educationally. He has taught me to NEVER EVER give up, to have faith, to love your enemies, (to pray for them even, and sometimes with diligence even win them over to your side) to not hold grudges for 'people just don't understand' ~ above all he is my Son, he is becoming my Friend and He.Makes.Me.Happy every single day... There was a time early in my pregnancy when due to an operation I had to have, I could have lost him. Oh how thankful I am that God saw fit to protect him and give us this blessing to nurture and care for. He has enriched our lives more than I would have ever thought possible. As of 9-10-2012 he will be 13. He is skipping 8th grade and attending an accelerated High School. I am grateful for every single second, minute, day, week, month, and year we have been given with him !! (Sorry Randy, that I was not able to "push him out" on 9-9-99 (lol) but I think things turned out pretty OK after all !) To Camden: On this the celebration of your 13th birthday I want you to know, I.Love.You. with all my heart. You keep doing your thing, you make us proud no matter what !! Lastly I believe in you, in who you are, in what you are going to accomplish and achieve ~ thank you for making it so easy for us to be your "Mother" and "Father" as you so lovingly call us !! HAPPY BIRTHDAY =) -Thank you to those of you who made it all the way through this muddled mess of me trying to share a piece of my heart and life with you. I hope you enjoyed it and maybe on some level relate to it as well ! <3